It's Not in Your Head: Your financial advisor really is only talking to your husband
The Persistent Pattern
The data tells a story that many women already know, though now it comes with precision eye-tracking studies to prove it. When financial advisors meet with heterosexual couples, they spend approximately 60% of their time physically focused on the male partner—a phenomenon one might call "gender myopia." This isn't merely about eye contact; it represents a measurable manifestation of deeply rooted gender bias in financial services. Indeed, according to a 2020 New York Life study, 40% of women surveyed said “advisors treat [them] differently, often ignoring or dismissing what they have to say.”
The statistics paint a particularly telling picture: 73% of women report dissatisfaction with the financial services industry. Men are nearly twice as likely to be approached by financial advisors, suggesting that the industry's approach to client acquisition remains firmly anchored in the previous century. And half of women in one survey reported that their financial advisor “is incapable of connecting with them on a personal level by taking time to understand their specific needs.”
Beyond academic research, we can tell anecdotally that there’s still room for improvement. From a recent reddit discussion board:
I met with a potential financial advisor. He only wanted to talk to my fiancé…Every time he had a question about our accounts, assets, life insurance, savings methods, financial goals, etc., he would only look to my fiancé. At first my fiancé would just pause and wait for me to answer, but after this happening 3-4x, he kept telling the advisor to ask me since I’m the one who handles it. The advisor would talk to me, but then the next question would be directed back at my fiancé. r/TwoXChromosomes
And, here’s another real-woman experience, writing a Dear Abby for advice on how to deal with the situation:
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have some money in a mutual fund. Our new, very young financial adviser, “Alec,” seems sexist. He has phoned us four times asking to speak with my husband, and each time my husband refuses to speak to him.
Since my name is also on our account, my husband said that I should speak to him. I have told Alec twice that my husband has hearing aids and it’s difficult for him to hear people on the phone, which is why he wants me to be the contact. But Alec continues to ask for my husband.I’ve told him that I feel he’s being sexist, but he denies it. He said he tries very hard not to be, and he’s sorry if I feel he is. Alec called asking for my husband again today. We let it go to voicemail… Dear Abby: Our financial advisor wants to talk only to my husband
Historical Context and Systemic Issues
The financial services sector, still predominantly steered by male leadership, continues to exhibit what behavioral economists might diplomatically term "sustained gender-based market inefficiencies." Unfortunately, researchers have found that “women today are not more comfortable with financial advisors or their financial picture than they were a generation ago.”
Linguistic analysis reveals another alarming pattern: male financial advisors give different advice to women simply because they are women. For instance, research shows advisors demonstrate a marked predilection for emphasizing downside risk scenarios when communicating with female clients. It's like applying behavioral finance principles through a funhouse mirror, creating the very risk-aversion they claim to observe. Advisors also tend to recommend more expensive funds on average to women than to men, and men are more likely to receive rebates on funds’ upfront fees.
The Real-World Consequences
Perhaps the most damning empirical evidence comes from what happens when circumstances force a change: 80% of widows terminate their relationship with their financial advisor upon the death of their spouse. This extraordinary attrition rate speaks volumes about the quality of relationship-building during the preceding years.
But the cascading consequences of subpar financial advisory services extend far beyond mere client dissatisfaction—they create a self-perpetuating cycle that systematically undermines women's financial confidence and engagement. When advisors consistently direct their attention elsewhere, speak primarily to male partners, or dismiss women's inquiries, they don't just lose potential clients; they actively contribute to women’s financial hesitancy. This phenomenon manifests in women asking fewer questions during subsequent financial meetings, not because they have fewer concerns, but because previous experiences have taught them their queries may be dismissed or addressed superficially. The irony here is particularly stark: the industry's behavior creates the very "risk-averse, financially uncertain" female client they claim to observe— like a doctor whose dismissive bedside manner causes anxiety, then diagnoses the patient as naturally anxious.
The financial confidence gap isn't innate; it's manufactured through thousands of subtle interactions where expertise is questioned, concerns are minimized, and engagement is discouraged—all while the industry wonders why women seem "hesitant" to engage with financial services.
Signs Your Advisor Is Exhibiting Gender Bias
Merrill Lynch's institutional research has cataloged several recurring patterns of bias, demonstrating the kind of insight that perhaps only a major financial institution could present as surprising. Their findings include the tendency for advisors to:
1. Default to male decision-maker assumptions
2. Prescribe rather than collaborate with female clients
3. Presume unified financial management in partnerships, despite evidence that separate accounts are increasingly common
4. Attribute universal risk aversion to female clients, regardless of individual preference
5. Systematically underestimate female financial literacy, even when confronted with superior expertise
It’s Not in Your Head
If you've sensed a subtle (or not-so-subtle) gender bias in your financial advisory experiences, you're neither imagining things nor being "too sensitive"—you're detecting a thoroughly documented phenomenon that has only recently begun to receive institutional acknowledgment. The eye-tracking studies, attrition rates, and consistently reported experiences across diverse demographics tell a story that validates what countless women have intuitively known throughout their financial journeys. Rather than doubting your perceptions, consider them a finely-tuned instrument for detecting precisely the kind of systemic issues that major financial institutions are now scrambling to address.
In my next post, I’ll delve into the financial industry’s response to the “Women Now Have Money” phenomenon in "The Financial Industry's Belated Discovery of Women: A Critical Analysis.” I'll be examining how the sector's sudden recognition of women's financial power is reshaping—or perhaps merely repackaging—its approach to serving half the population. After all, nothing quite captures attention like the sound of money walking out the door—even if the money happens to be wearing heels. Subscribe now so you don’t miss it!
One more great ad…I just couldn’t help myself but share:
Sources:
“Seeing the unseen: The role gener plays in wealth management and what our four-part study revealed,” Merrill, https://mlaem.fs.ml.com/content/dam/ML/Registration/seeing-the-unseen-whitepaper.pdf (April 2024)
“Why Women Leave Their Financial Advisors,” Judy Paradi and Paulette Filion, StrategyMarketing.ca, https://www.academia.edu/12142219/Why_Women_Leave_Their_Financial_Advisors (March 2011)
“Women Feel Ignored by Advisors, Study Says,” RJ Shook, Forbes (August 2020)
“Gender Differences in Financial Advice,” Bucher-Koenen, et. al., CEPR, https://cepr.org/system/files/2023-02/Gender%20Differences%20in%20Financial%20Advice.pdf (May 2020)
“Financial Help for Widows,” Francis Financial, https://fdmcgny.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Francis-Financial-Widow-Resource-Guide.pdf (2021)
“The Future Client is Female: How to Address the Needs of this Large Market,” American College State Farm Center for Women in Financial Services, https://www.theamericancollege.edu/sites/default/files/2023-07/the-future-client-is-female.pdf (January 2021)
“The loss of a spouse or partner creates huge financial risk. Here are tips to protect your money,” Stacy Francis, cnbc, https://www.cnbc.com/2022/04/27/op-ed-recent-widows-need-guidance-with-money-issues.html (April 2022)